Precious Memories
by Dangles Arthur Khanrad
Summary: This Story Is Being Re-Written. Please Stand By For Increased Qaulity Content.
1. The Start of Bad Memories

Hey ya'll hominoids! just another storie i been writing with meh friends! hope you like!

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 **CHAPTER I**

 _The Start of Bad Memories_

One misty morning when the sun was rising from the east, a lonely avocado lost its perch from a peckinbery tree and fell into the ocean. Someone was coughing due to all the humid mist in the air and his horrible hacking sounded throughout the morning.

"Major sigh I can't get over this!" he said, zipping up the fly on his jeggings and turning around. His hands were wet with misty fog and they stuck to the indigenous fibres as he closed the skin-tight garment. Peeing in the morning was always the best! No one could see you to judge you, and the puddles turned to mist as they slowly evaporated in the cool morning air. Fat footsteps starting coming over to the beach.

Green and feathered and strong with a wilded gait, Bean the duck came crawling out of his bugout camp towards the joyful gorillion. "J..aaackson!" he mumbled, a broken bottle dripping from his left 'hand'.

"Major Sigh!" cursed the pee'er once again, he'd dealt with Bean the green man before and had left with scars on his heart. He frowned and faced the drunk sugar-cane farmer trying hard to smile. Fingers finding their way to his fly again, he made sure his pants were zipped, and found he'd forgot jeggings don't have zippers. His pants tried their best to look like jeans but it wasn't very convincing so he slipped his hand back into his jacket and cursed out beneath his particular breath.

"Captain Morgan..." Bean drumbled on, "Always the best... the best..." Jackson didn't move and Bean stumbled closer. "I take it you don't mean me, do you sir?" Jackson glanced at the bottle of boose and Bean laughed GAY like... gay.. the word echoed in Jackson's head as he gazed wearily at the drunken goat... duck, he corrected himself. Though it was a strange sight indeed to see a duck making a goat face. The gorillion had tried to make a duck face once and failed miserably, so he was rather jealous that a duck could make a goat face, but that's beside the point. The point is all about the word GAY and the fact that the two males had tried to be just that once. And though Jackson Louis Morgan had left the encounter wounded and broken hearted, Bean the goat faced duck had walked away unscathed.

Bean Gasped. "What?!" he said, appalled by the Jegged male's silence. he must have been making the face unconsciously because he didn't seem to know it donned him. Jackson stuttered. "We were lovers Bean..." he looked to the ground and felt his metaphorical wounds re-opening. "And now you taunt me with that perfect goat-face wherever I go..." Bean's feet stopped, but his heart kept reaching forward trying to make a connection. but his drunkenness held him back and kept him from making conversation. He turned on his 'foot' in a rightwise direction, and began walking away from the gorillion male now. ( _Geez what a way to get out of an awkward situation..._ _)_

Jackson didn't watch him go. "Jackson Louis Morgan.." the jegged male whispered, as if to remind himself who he was. "Jackson Louis Morgan..." he pushed bean back out of his head and swore he'd have a good day.

 _ **Jackson Louis Morgan**_

Rice, millet, milk and honey... Bean dumped all the ingredients in a pot and stirred them vigorously. "I make good porridge," he exclaimed to no one in particular, turning in a circle to grab his bottle of booz, only to find it empty. "Gosh diggidy daarn!" he shouted sadly, and sighed at his own drunken state. Jackson may think he had walked away from their fling unharmed, but that's why he was so drunk! To forget all his pain, misery and the entire awkwardness of the whole situation.

The duck began stirring the pot once more and began to sing... "I can still recall, our last summer, I still see it all..." he began weeping openly and nearly jumped out of his feathery hide at the sound of a knock.

"Bean?" a low, emo sounding voice called out. "Dooya have the rent money? I'm broke again... Bean?" clunky feet clanked through the doorway and a crimson streaked, ebony hedgehog strode in. "Bean! You're drinking again. What the heck am I to do with you?" he grabbed the booze calmly but firmly and threw it into the boiling pot. He got all up in Beans face with his finger poking at his nose. "When yuu agreed to live here yoo said you'd give up those habbits!" he sternly frowned and began pacing the stickly structure.

Shadow Darkspot owned the vacant lot where bean lived.. It was a dirt place behind a hill near the beach with a little grass growing in it and barely any trees... with a little grub strewn about it and one other inhabitant who was 'homefree' and owned nothing but a palm tree and a laptop...

Shadow wrapped his knuckles along Bean's washboard and the green fellow cringed. "Look, i'm.." Shadow stopped and looked around guilty. "I-I'm not mad atchoo Bean.. ahm just dissapoinnedd."

Bean began to sob now and tried to go to his _Lintukoto_ (Happy Place) Shadow left the camp with nothing to say, and turned around as they do in the movies and said, "Just.. uh, pay me when yuu get thuh money..." he clearly was freaking out with no idea what to do.

Bean fell back onto his 'Bed' which was simply a spread of tangerine skins and pillow-stuffing, he began to sob in the wilted moans of drunken sailors and sunlight fell through cracks in the roof to comfort his suffering.

 _ **~~Bean the goat faced Duck~~**_

Jackson lumbered down a familiar dirt path, gathering stones as he went. "I will have a good, day, I will have a good day, I will have an...an... a darn good day!" he repeated to himself over and over again. He knew he sounded like a poor child trying to convince himself of something that wasn't likely true, but he didn't care. Bean was always acting childish with that stupid face of his, so why couldn't poor old Jackie act that way every once in awhile when having a bad day? Huh? Who said he couldn't?

So he continued stomping down the worn path and kicked at some loose dirt. "Why lord? Why does my life have to be so miserable?" He ran the last few yards to the lake and hurtled all the stones he had gathered. "Take that! And that! And also that!" he lept into the lake then and sat on the soggy bottom of it, his head barely above water.

"Jackson?" a slow, sleepy voice asked, and the gorillion looked up angrily.

"What do you want, Big?" he nearly shouted, tears falling down his furry face and into his jegging covered lap. "What do you want from me?"

"Well," the large purple cat said with a blink, 'I was just wondrin why you were sitting at the bottom of the lake. There are lots of fish in there that might bite your rear if you're not careful... and I just wanted to make sure that didn't happen to you. It happened to me once and it wasn't pleasant." He lumbered over and sat in the marshy water next to Jackson, a wistful look on his face. "See, I was going through puberty once, and I was really angsty, so I ran out into the lake and sat down for a long time to pout, and next thing I know, there's a frog bitting my butt... I screamed and pulled him off me, looked him in the eye, and named him Froggy... We've been best friends ever since, but it still hurt really bad." He grinned goofily and pointed at the little creature that was perched on his large shoulder. "Ribbit!" the frog shouted, and Jackson shuttered. He really hoped he never got bit in the butt. But his own dark past seemed to do that quite frequently.

"Thanks Big," he said with a sigh, "but I think the ducks are more worrisome than the fish in regards to bitting the rear..." he stood up and yelped so suddenly that Big also screamed. "What is it, Jackson, what happened?" The gorillion sat down again and let out a wretched sob. "Nothing Big, I just got bit in the butt..."

Nearby, a monkey fell out of a tree...


	2. Bean's 'Bugout Camp'

**CHAPTER II**

 _Bean's 'Bugout Camp'._

Tiny fragments of sand left congested clouds in solemn groups that fell back to the earth soon after their conception. Cold steel smashed HARD into the dirt as Shadow Darkspot wandered his 'campground'. His swagger was ON POINT and mud went flying as the good ol country-boy paced about the property. "Feliz navidad!" he muttered _below_ his smoky breath, the sound growly and intoxicated coming from somewhere between his bottom teeth and cleft chin,. His booty-clad feet kept on tromping towards his house and his eyebrows fought fitful tantrums with the words made from mist in the fading morning air.

He stopped in front of his house a moment to spit out his week old tobacco onto the cracking sidewalk stone he had painted to look like Sonic the Hedgehog's FACE before continuing his swagger. He spied a few ladies watching him from a distance and puffed out his chest, trying to make his swagger look more like Han Solo, cause he knew it made some of the gendered creatures known as females swoon. But he FAILED. They snarled at him in disgust, and he may have caused a monkey to fall out of a tree...

"WHAO!" came a sound from not too far away, but Shadow ignored it, he pushed on, flexing his abdominals and glutes in a succession which caused him to buckle and wane. He pushed on! The hard cold steel of his bootildays SMASHING into the hard dirt, CRUSHING the pebbles of stone that lay here and there, and AWE INSPIRING anyone who watched, (which only happened to be a few sidelong glances from some old ladies checking their mailboxes a few meters from the 'campground) "Whatever!" Shadow thought, SMASHING his feet into the ground again, tilling the land in hopes mushrooms would grow, but knowing deep down it probably wouldn't work, and still doing it anyway!

He reached the swinging drape that was the door to his house, and PITIFULLY crawled into it, PULLING off his shoes and falling butt-first into his only armchair. He sighed quietly as noises continued from elsewhere in the park.

Eggnog.

"Yuh AUHTA Be watching ware Yer GOING!" the voices were muffled from inside a pocket of air below a leaf aside a tree not far away. But from close up and nearby, the angry shout was clear and unnerving. "L-look Sticks, i'm sorry really! It must've been an honest mistake!" a Monkey voice responded and a grunt came out from a short Raccoon/badger creature that was helping him to his feet. "Mustave?" she asked, but the monkey just smiled and was on his way. "BE careful.." she called after him. "YA did just fall outuva TREE!" she yelled, her hand flying up from her side and pointing to the tree that the monkey had, indeed, fell out of, her hippie wig flapping with each sentence. Eyes wide and mind open she too went on her way, only to hear unsolvable and unresolvable sobs coming from a pile of sticks and tarps nearby that surely someone would be kind enough to consider a tent.

With a mighty sigh she huffed and puffed, prepared to blow the house down if need be. "Yah," she said to herself, "I rally gotsda power to do dat." She stormed over to the tarp-like abode and kicked open the plastic sheet that was the door. "Bean?" she cried out, stomping through the "living room". "BEANIE BABY WHERE ARE YOU?" She moved past all the crowded furniture, some of it quite literally piled on top of everything else. There was a couch crammed in the corner over by the hole that they called a window, and they had a chair placed very precariously on one arm of the couch and the oven. Beneath the floating chair, (which was also charred from the burner) was Stick's bed, which was made up from several rat's nests that she had managed to buy from said rats. She was not afraid of the chair hanging above her head when she slept, however, for she supported it with a poll made of old clif bar wrappers glued together with super glue. Bean often scolded her for wasting usable trash, but she reminded him time and again that it was recycled, so it was all well and good.

Pressed so tightly against the couch that it left marks, sat a low coffee table with a broken TV that left you near blinded when you watched anything because it was right in front of your eyes. But, at least it made the screen look bigger, so they didn't complain. Of course, there was also a hole in the table to accommodate the chimney that sprouted up from the fireplace they lit under the table. And surprisingly, the TV hadn't melted yet... and sadly, their "chimney" – which was really a rusted old water pipe – wasn't tall enough to go through the roof, so it just smoked into their living room. They'd often questioned why bother having a chimney, but at least it delayed them breathing it the smoke, allowing them to quite literally crawl around to avoid it, and it kept the table from burning... to an extent...

Next to the oven was the sink, of course, and beside that, was a bucket with a hole that they called their toilet. Unfortunately, the house didn't have running water, so the sink was useless unless filled with creek-water beforehand. The toilet though, had an incredibly complicated flushing system, powered by a pressurized bottle of rum, which... somehow.. worked... they were thankful for that at least.

There was a large back door that was essentially a crumpled bit of wall, and wedged between the edges was the bath tub. The hole was rather low, so the tub provided some much needed support, but bathing in it was rather difficult... and embarrassing... but they didn't complain.

Stick sighed, looking around. "Thank GOD I no longer live here!" she realized, and threw down her sack of bananas before stomping through the house to find Bean. The floor flaked with each step, her foot falling through into the 'basement' on more than one occasion. The 'roof' dripped onto her wigged head as she smashed through the apartment, screaming and crowing for Bean the Duck. "BEANIE WHERE ARE YOUOOO!" she yelled, although the house was quite small it seemed he couldn't hear her, or maybe.. she realized, he might have been ignoring her.

Angry now, she regrettably STOMPED into Bean's 'workshop,' where a pot was brewing some sort of 'grub' on an open fire, and red smoke was pouring out another 'window' into the forsaken desert lot. Nestled under a 'shelf' of 'tools' lay a mat of tangerine skins, probably held together with dried molasses... or maybe horse mucus, she couldn't tell. But either way, it was likely to melt and fall apart in the coming heat. She groped in the dark, her eyes closed tight with fear, and GRABBED a swinging arm, yanking the sweaty form from under the 'shelf', and into the cracking light of day.

"BEAN!" she cried, and stared at her 'brother', only to be met with a sad, sad, goat face.


	3. Life Advice from a Large-as-life Man

**CHAPTER III**

 _Life Advice from a Large-as-life Man_

Rolling hills draped in pattered greens gently rocked to and fro behind the beach, moistened from mist carried on the winds gentle fingers from depths of the ocean waters. Clover flowers reached to the sky and turned their faces to the wind as the sun rose up from across the shivering waves, long shadows stretching across pellets of sand caused by towering pines from the other side of a developing city.

The pool water was beginning to warm, to the delight of a Jegging-clad creature who had set himself a throne on its bottom. The fishes were beginning to dart about as sunlight parted the branches of distant oaks and gently probed the chilling pond. Morning had risen from the east, and a clock-tower chimed the hour from somewhere in the city, too far to be heard, but near enough to be remembered as darkness ran for cover behind the hills, and the world opened up to the light of a new day.

Big the cat sat beside the pond wrapped in a blanket, giving life advice to the gorillion male, as his friend Froggy ran about jumping at dragonflies. "You know.." he was saying, his gaze long and distant as his mind waded through memory and grasped at past events. "My momma always told me, that life was like a box of chocolates." large purple lips curling at the thought, Big smiled and rolled on in his ghetto accent. "You never know whatchur gonna get."

Jackson Louis Morgan (in case you forgot his full name..), shivered in the pool water and metaphorical goose-bumps ran up the length of his spine and across his flushed face. "Its not like that anymore then? Is that what you're saying?" he looked at Big honestly, but his voice sounded sarcastic. "Thuh heck?" Big replied after a moment, mildly confused! "bluh-buu-bu... What?!" he shook his head as if to rid his mind of a bad thought, and Jackson face-palmed with his 'blue' hand. He pressed his lips together and said shakily, "Y-you said w-aas.. instead of I-i-is" Big frowned now. "Look." he said, and crossed his arms. "I don't question what my momma told me." he visibly thought for at least 1 minute. "But if thats how you take it.." he sounded reluctant.

Jackson sighed, preparing to stand up. "I guess I should get ou-OW!" he flinched in pain and fell back onto his bottom. "Whoa, hold on bronco." Big said, unwrapping his blankie & standing to his feet, which made Jackson a good amount jealous. "I suppose we oughta get that fish off you." Big knelt down at the side of the pond and reached his thick hand into the icy waters. "Dang thats cold!" he exclaimed, and WRAPPED his entire hand around the fishes jaw, gently prying its teeth out of Jackson's BUTT. Jackson ShriEKed and JUMPED straight out of the pool and fell face first onto the BEACH. Big sighed.

"Why'd you do that Jacky?" he asked, his voice QUITE ghetto. Jackson rolled over, sobbing now. "You know big," he said, ignoring the man's question. "It's just like love... this fish. And what it did to me." The large cat stumbled over, wringing out his wet arm, he then helped the Jegged fellow to his feet. "Well Jackson.." he began, "When love bites you in the butt.." as Jackson got to his feet, the man looked around into the yellow light of morning. "I suppose all you can do is bite back." Jackson's tears ceased instantly, and his gaze lost contact with anything in particular, he also looked up as if those words meant something great. "wow" he silently whispered.

 _ **~~LUV Bites~~**_

The afternoon sun went arollin' across the sky (like a country boys heart-broken melodic drawl), evaporating the misty morning clouds with great, sweeping licks of its tongue... I mean.. rays. It settled itself directly above Shadow Darkspot's 'campground' and unceremoniously dried up some tangerine skins. "Hello, sun of mine, hello, hello, HELLO!" Shadow sang happily, squeezing his PLUMP rear out of his 'house'. He began stomping down his driveway again, continuing to till the earth with his large, clunky feet. He paused at his painted stone (the one that looked like his ex husband's FACE) and picked up his discarded tobacco. He chewed on it for a few minutes before shaking his head and spitting it back out. "No good, no good! I need to find some new stuff..." He swaggered on down the neighborhood, swinging his apple butt as he went, and stopped when something SHINY caught his eye. "OMG!" he exclaimed after he bent to pick it up, his rear SHOVED high in the AIR. "A penny and a dime!" He went on swaggering again, this time bobbing his head to some internal tune/beat. "Finders keepers, losers weepers! I said finder's keepers losers weepers!" His spikes shot up for a moment, the sides of his head looking strangely shaved before they settled down again. "I can buy myself some NEW toobaccie with this ess aytche eye." He nodded his head and SMOLDERED at all the old ladies sitting on their front porches, puffing his chest out to continue his swagger once more.


	4. Memories of Gay Love

**CHAPTER IV**

 _Memories of Gay Love_

 _"_ _Hey, uh, Bean? Can I tell you something?" It was a late summer day, close to autumn, the sun getting low in the sky but not yet beginning to set. The leaves on the trees had the ever slightest brownish tint to them, a few beginning to fall away in the breeze. It was a lovely day, to say the least, and the couple (despite being rather unusual looking, considering one was a hulking gorillion and the other a puny duck) was rather happy, sitting under a tall oak tree atop a hill, overlooking the valley and soaking up the evening sun._

 _"_ _Yeah, sure, of course, Jackie," replied the green Bean, leaning back, one of his small 'hands' enveloped by the gorillion's extremely large one. "We're boyfriends, right? I reckon that means you can tell me anything." He was chewing on a brown piece of grass, sprawling on the ground like a careless, and possibly drunken, cowboy._

 _"_ _Well, uh," Jackson began nervously. He rubbed his hands together, knuckles crackling in_ _sympathy for his shot nerves. "Look Bean," he stuttered, shifting so he sat in front of him, his large form casting a huge shadow over his boyfriend. He took the duck's 'hands' in his and let out a big puff of a sigh. "I know, uh, I know we're just having a fling, but I, uh..." he swallowed rather visibly, sweat trickling down his furry face. "Look, I really, and I mean really, like you Bean..." He suddenly realized what his words could imply, so he shot forward and blurted, "I mean, I'm not GAY, or anything... you're just a really special guy, you know?"_

 _"_ _Yeah, I know," Bean replied lazily, looking Jackson in the eye as he pulled his 'hands' away. "But, uh... I think I'm gonna have to break up with you."_

 _"_ _Wh-what?" Jackson spluttered, his horror written all across his face. "I thought we... I thought you... I dunno, liked me, I guess?" He gave Bean a pleading look, but the duck just shook his head._

 _"_ _Sorry, man, you're just getting too clingy. I just wanted a fling, not a life partner." Ignoring the grieved look on his now ex's face, Bean continued looking off into the distance, completely unfased. "Do you think you could move, Jackie? You're blocking the sunlight."_

Bean SHOT awake, tears squirting from his eyes and landing on the face of his 'sister' who loomed over him. "WHY WHY WHY!" he was shouting, sobbing and shaking as Sticks continued to pull him from out of his 'bed'. "What'sa Rongwityhu!" She asked, stumbling backwards and laying him out on the 'floor' all sprawled out. Bean's convulsing ceased for a minor minute and he broke out, between sobs, "It was my faulT! I never shoulda.. Shoulda never... WaaAA!" he began pounding the floor.. (ahem.) 'floor' with his fists, causing more of the scraggly shelter to flake and fall down.

"Calm DOWN!" Sticks shouted, worry growing in her eyes as the whole 'house' began to shake. "AH SAED CaHLm YersELF DOWEN!" She slapped Beans forehead with the back of her hand and sat on his legs to keep them from moving. As he continued to wail she scuffled over him, and grabbed at his flying phalanges which dashed there and about around the 'cabin', wiggling as if conducting a twisted melody sung in E flat major. She sighed and caught his wrists, holding them to the 'floor'. He kept shaking, but at least his crying stopped.

After a moment, Sticks let out a puff of exhausted Marijuana smoke, and loosened her grasp on her 'brother's' wrists. "YU done?" she asked, but Bean said nothing.. So they sat there, still, and the muteness of heartbreak phased through the crumbling structure in manor of an apparition leaving its coldness in the darkness and stillness of perfect night. Sticks propped her 'brother' up in a seated position, and began spoon-feeding him 'grub' from the rusted pot which lay nearby on smoldering embers. For she knew not what else to do.

For the time it seemed to calm him, and in that moment bad memories forsook the tongues of those they stained, leaving only a bad taste in their mouths, and the feelings of doubt and guilt that came quietly with them.

 **ROTAVATOR.** _(duh heck?)_

Big was walking home, bit by bit, making sure to step with his big toe first instead of his heel, gently probing the ground before plopping onto the rest of his foot and continuing the strange uneven shuffle. He then would switch to rolling pinkie-toe first and onto his forefoot every fifteen steps, before reverting to a spiral dance-like dance, and a knee-spinning, mind-boggling tiny-step crawl. And then repeating the process again until he was finished walking.

He had read to walk this way from an article he'd read somewhere on the Internet less than a week ago, written by some character claiming to be a samurai. It had claimed the walk would improve mental clarity and reduce stress, but the humble swimmer couldn't see if it was affecting him yet.

The large cat came past a hard tree-stump, and Froggy skiddled past his side to pee on bushes he spotted as they neared Big's simple cabin. It was on the beach not TOO far from the scrappy 'campground' lot, and close enough to the ocean that waves gently stroked his garden not far from his house in the muscled winds that sometimes glazed the beach.

Big was almost to the door, when an apple from _somewhere_ came hurtling towards him and hit HARD, leaving a shallow injury in the corner of his head. "Hey!" he shouted, looking around. There, not twenty feet from where Big stood, came a burst of blue that got closer and closer, until a (surprise, surprise) BLUE hedgehog skidded to a halt merely TWO inches away from Big, kicking a HUGE cloud of dust into the large cat's face.

"Oh..." the hedgehog said lamely, slumping down until his face brushed the ground. "I guess you're not him, sorry man. The stripes threw me..." He turned and left, only to be grabbed round the middle by a big white polar bear.

"Sorry about that, friend!" the bear said kindly, though Big's head was spinning tooo much to properly read the polar's intentions, and saw it instead as a threat. "This one here goes to my support group for people with issues. And let me tell you, he's got more issues than anyone I've ever met – including myself!" He paused for a moment before reaching out a large, clawed hand to steady the stumbling swimmer. "There there now, it's all good! Say, do _you_ want to come to my support group? Cause, I mean, no offense or anything, man, but you look like you might have some issues. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing, per se, but I'd like to help you if you want it." When he saw that Big was still just spinning about a little bit, and not really paying much attention to anything except the growing wart on his head, the bear hastened to fill the silence with his voice. "Now I don't want you to think I'm an issuest or anything... Do you know what and issuest is? NO? Okay, well I'll tell you.." he cleared his throat and stood on a rotting stump, holding out his hands as if giving a speech. "An issuest is basically someone who is discriminatory against issues. Kind of like a racist. You know, someone who thinks your issues are, well, issues, and thinks you need to change. It's basically a term used for people that have issues with people who are different than them, and see those people's differences as issues. Does that make sense? Yes, of course it does, you're a smart guy, I bet you catch on to lots of things really quickly! But, do you want to come to my support group or not?"

"Uh," Big mumbled, head throbbing. What the heck was this guy talking about? He shook his head. It didn't really matter, what mattered was that he had a large bump sprouting on his head like a mushroom taking root in a perfectly tilled lawn. "Start with the big toe, then plop onto whole foot," he muttered, starting his strange walk again to calm his fraying nerves.

"Hey man, you okay? I didn't mean to scare you... I was just trying to help you cope. I mean, this guy here," the polar quickly gestured to the hedgehog draped over his arm, not realizing it was the wrong kind of GESTURE he used "he broke up with his hubby recently, and it's making him go crazy, you know? That's why he thought YOU were his ex, 'cause you've got stripes like he apparently did... I dunno, I never saw the guy, but I guess he looked just like you!" He chuckled softly to himself before smacking himself in the forehead. "Oh! I totally forgot to introduce myself! Hello, I'm Bark the Polar bear!" He took Big's hand in his, shaking it up and down. "It is so lovely to meet you!" He dropped the cat's hand, leaving him really shook up and peed off. "Anyhow, as I was saying, I'm helping this guy deal with his PDPBDU, which basically means Post Divorce Psychotic Breakdown Disorders... UNITED, which is totally _normal_ after a split, which I keep telling this guy, but he never believes me! Anyway, I'm helping him become normal! And by normal, I mean HIS idea of normal, not mine, not yours, and not society's idea of the word! So, can I help you.. or? Oh!" He trailed off, laughing nervously. "I'm so sorry, my good man, I somehow failed to notice that you were fatally wounded! Here, let me help you with that."

He flung the squirming hedgehog to the ground before walking over to the muttering swimmer and grasped his head in BOTH of his hands. He lightly pressed on the bump until Big felt like his head was going to explode and began beating on the polar's furry chest. "Lego ah me! My momma always told me that if someone was being mean to me, I should kick em in thuh foot! You want me to do that to you? Huh, do ya!?" the purple cat was normally much more eloquent than at that exact moment, but he found the pain in his head to be too unbearable to care. Especially when the bear started trying to pound the bump back into his head...

The blue hedgehog sighed at the two bickering strangers, and kicked a cloud of dust into their faces as he warmed up his legs. He stopped to pick up the apple he'd thrown, and took a MASSIVE bite before turning around. "Geez Bark, Leemee alone!" he shouted, speeding off in the direction of the 'campground' not far away. He stared down at his feet as he sped through the cold sand, encased in soundless blue lightning with the breath of gods tickling his face, in good humor and mild persistent. He remembered getting his powers from a Particle Accelerator explosion fourteen minutes ago, and needed to see if anyone else was affected. Specifically, someone very dear to him from his very aphotic past.


	5. The Scent of Cheap Baccie

**CHAPTER V**

 _The Scent of Cheap Baccie._

The end of the day neared as a black shape moved its way into a back alleyway where someone had set up camp to sell 'merchandise'. His swagger wasn't a very good imitation of that of Han Solo, and he looked like he might be just a tad bit insane as he dug through his fannypack for a penny and dime. "Technically its recyclin," he commented, pulling the coins out from his overly empty pouch and brandishing them with a sort of humble quality that few people possessed. "I'm helpin tha planet.." he wasn't very convincing as firelight flickered on his face, glowing from the sprouts of olive branches which adorned the tarnished canvas tent.

Shadow Darkspot took a seat on the dank alley floor in front of the merchants kiosk. The smell of fruity booties danced from a glass candle which burned with the raging fire of young love, reminding painfully the campground owner of his distant wounded past. The merchant, sitting only a foot away, looked up from the shadows of a knitted cowl, eyelids blinking loudly, the sloshing of fluid sounding throughout the village. "Oh hey Shadow.." a gentle sloth-y voice came up from beneath stagnant robes, and a pale face and fluffy white beard entered the glow of candlelight. Shadow grinned.

"Sup Moss?" he asked, and the his old friend chuckled, knowing what the guy had likely come for. "You need some cheap baccie, Shadrack?" he asked, and the hedgehog nodded. "Yeah, d00d, the stuff I can get with a penny and a dime, kay? The 1 dollar stuff tastes nasty like a rats azz, ya know?" he began twisting his nervous hands around his feet, entwining his fingers and toes. "Make it quick, yah? I gotta keep up a REPyouTAYtion, ya know? An if any o' deh ol' ladies from the camp ground see me here, they'll be sure to gossip about it."

He leaned forward and quickly slapped the money on the extremely GRIMY kiosk, his face VERY close to the sloth's. "Ah know a lady, she ain't real old, but she's rather old fashioned, so I reckon it's the same thing, right? So any way, her name's Vanilla, she lives in one of the posher trailers near by, and she's got a daughter named Cream, yah? Real high an annoying voice, both o' them got it, ya know? Any way, I've seen her here before, buying some 'ingredients' for her pies, or somethin', I dunno, but I don't really think it's anything like flour or spices, ya get my drift?" the hedgehog nodded profoundly and stepped back, snatching the baccie off the counter top and stuffing it into his back quills after his friend provided it. "thanks man, I owe you one – a big one, for keepin' this a secret between us." He gestured with a FAT finger between them, and the sloth chuckled.

"No problem, Shadrack, just make sure to brush your teeth, alright?" He produced a SMALL thing of toothpaste and handed it to the ebony guy. "Take this with you. It will help you in the long run."

"Are you sure man?" Shadow asked in disbelief, and the sloth nodded. "I mean, no one's ever lent me toothpaste before, let alone given me a whole TUBE!" But Moss just chuckled and brushed aside his protests. "Keep it, my friend, I insist." So the hedgehog squealed and held the tube above his head in victory, flailing his arms up and around the elderly creature in an awkward hug over the kiosk. "I shall never forget this kindness, my posh gentleman. If you ever need a roof above your shaggy head, I shall provide it, FREE OF COST!" And with that, the Darkspot left the dank alleyway with renewed purpose and vigor in his MANLY swagger... (Han Solo would have been proud)... right before he RAN right into someone entering the alley.

"Oh, Mister Shadow, what a surprise." And he stared right into the INNOCENT, UNSUSPECTING, face of Cream the Rabbit as she innocently clutched her mother's hand.

 **The mark of Transition**

The surface of tub water danced like half-forgotten Olympians as soft hands wrung out a soaked pair of knockoff-brand Jeggings. A sigh escaped through warm breath into musty air lined with smoke, and Jackson Louis Morgan leaned back onto his 'heels' as he knelt beside the tub to dry his garments. He stood up, PANTLESS of course, but he was alone in the comfort of his apartment so it didn't matter much. He waddled widely over to a large picture window in his main room, and stared outside towards the beach. He saw through the trees and past shorter buildings, the run-down 'campground' where Bean the duck lived. He stood there for a while, leaning against the glass.

"Why, Bean?" he finally asked, to no one in particular. He knew no one could hear him, but the floorboards outside his room creaked, as if responding in a hollow groan of someone struck with heartsickness and regret from lost love. Jackson shook his head, Someone was just going to their room, he heard voices in the hallway and the swinging of old doors on rusty hinges. They stopped, the door shut, and he was alone again. His eyes couldn't keep from the light outside the window, and the smell of flaking bark which seemed to permeate the glass.

" _I... kinda like you Jacky.."_

 _His voice was calm and determined, despite how UNSAFE the words were, it was genuine. He giggled to himself. Bean had never said it before, and it felt weird now that he had. he turned over in his 'sleeping/camping bag', looking Jackson in his wide WIDE eyes. "Whoa dude..." was the gorillion's startled reply, he couldn't think of what to say or do. He swallowed kinda unsuredly, and chuckled nervously.. but then, he smiled. "You know bean? I think I like you too." he reached out of his own sleeping sack and patted the ducks 'shoulder'. though unsure of himself, he couldn't think of anything better to say, or anything more true._

Jackson snapped back to reality, and he heard the washer shut off. He swallowed, a shiver reaching over him and taking the floor, sparing his spine. The gorillion hurried to the bathroom, and pushed the hair from his face. He swallowed again, and put his clothes on for another cycle.

 _ **Stuff happens... deal wit it...**_

There was fire, there was smoke, and there was DEATH... That was the aftermath of the Particle Accelerator explosion that happened 14 minutes ago and gave the blue blur his speed. He saw it everywhere he looked, all the heartache, all the despair, all the children crying because... because... He stopped a moment to listen to the conversations between parents and their children to see what they were crying about.

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! Susan called my teddy bear green when it's really blue! Call her mommy and tattle on her!" The young creature quickly whipped out his latest greatest uptodatest I-phone 100 and snapped a picture of his face twisting into a poor imitation of a duck. "Hashtag first world problems!"

Sonic the Hedgehog nodded and continued his slow, cinematic walk, acknowledging that he had brought this darkness upon them and that it was his responsibility to end it... after he had found that certain someone he'd been looking for for the past 30.2 seconds. He stooped to the ground and sniffed the dirt, hoping someone would stop for a moment to appreciate the cool pose he was in (kneeling on one knee with his face in the dirt, butt in the air and back aching from the awkward position.) A wiff of cheap baccie slipped into his flared nostrils and he gasped loudly, skittering across the ground like a deranged spider and sniffing like a mindless dog. Finally, he found the spot where the scent was strongest and looked up, only to be greeted by his own FACE... painted on a rock... with streaks of drool and baccie stains darkening the horribly drawn portrait.

"No..." he whispered heartbrokenly, running his hand across the surface. "How could he do this to me?" he tried to pull his hand away, but it was rather stuck to the slimy surface. He pulled and pulled, but to no avail. A single tear spilled down his cheek and he turned his face to the sky, letting out an earth shattering cry to any that would listen. "NO!"


	6. An 'Old' Bottle of Wine?

**Chapter VI**

 _A 'Dark' Secret, 'and' an 'Old' Bottle of Wine?_

"C-c-c..-Cream!" Shadow Darkspot stiffened in the innocent girls presence. He quickly turned himself and scooted sideways past the girl and her mother back onto the street. "Oh my!" he said suspiciously, "what a surprise to see you here, STANDING at this dark suspicious alley which I clearly was not just IN!" he chuckled at Vanilla, bending to PAT her daughter on her simple, unsuspecting, innocent, and pure bright head. The girl giggled but didn't say anything. She continued to stare innocently at the dude and waited.

"Well it's good to see you Shadow." Vanilla said, SMILING. She glanced over his shoulder as he fumbled and sweated. "um.. er, What.. w-what ever could you be doing out so late at night?" he asked, trying to make conversation. He hoped against the pope and all hope that she wouldn't judge him for this.. He glanced back into the alleyway where Moss's candle flickered and bounced tauntingly at the deranged 'campground' owner.

Vanilla met him with an unwavering stare, "I could ask you the same thing Mr. Darkspot." she said, her smile fading. ' _Was she threatening?' Shadow wondered._ the black dude began chuckling nervously again. "hehe.." he whispered. She didn't say anything else, but her eyebrows lifted.

After A brief awkward SILENCE. they BOTH glanced side to side and back at each-other. "LOOK Shadow." The female said swiftly, "I won't tell anyone I found you here, if you do the same for me. I THINK it's only fair." She smiled again, and Shadow noticed that she too, was a little nervous, perhaps afraid of being caught.

Shadow swallowed hard nodding desperately. "Agreed." he SPAT OUT. Without thinking he hurried away into the village AGAIN. He glanced over his shoulder as Vanilla and Cream disappeared into the alleyway. _'that poor_ _CHILD_ _.'_ he briefly thought. He patted down his quills to conceal the baccie, and tried with GRATE effort to look normal. The farther he walked the more he wondered, if Vanilla was willing to keep this great TERRIBLE secret of his a, well, secret, perhaps he could strike a deal with her. A deal with certain rewards, and monetary benefits for the both of them.

On HIS way home, Shadow past a large purple cat stumbling drunkenly on his wide feet, and a white polar bear babbling continuously right beside him.

 _ **Beanie the Beanie Baby**_

"Uh, Bean?" Stick's voice finally broke the awkward silence, and her hand shot out and made a QUICK slicing motion for good measure. "silence begone," she whispered under her breath before clearing her throat. "R U finally done being a silly duck, Beanie? I mean, staring out across deh oh-see-ahn as thu moon rises might be a cool scene for a movie, but it's GETTING a little cold, don't ya think?" But she was greeted ONCE again by silence. A snarl ripped FROM her throat and she punched the air with a powerful fist, slamming her foot into a rock WITH an earth shattering kick. "I SAID BEGONE!" she screamed at the world, ignoring the throbbing red that had overtaken her foot.

"Sticks, what are you doing?" Bean asked finally, looking at his 'sister' as she cursed her ankle to high heaven. The badger/raccoon looked UP and glared at him before plopping to the ground. She grabbed his 'hand' and pulled him down next to her, placing HER swollen leg on his 'lap'.

"So," she drawled bitterly, "yer sober now? An speakin too? To what do ah owe DIS gret honor, 'brother' of mine?" She yanked A handful of grass from the ground and stuffed it in her mouth, chewing angrily. "Need... food..."

The duck sighed slowly and fell back against the ground, STARING up at the stars. "If only I could have been sober then... But NO, I was just a stupid, drunken, cowboy that made a horrible mistake. Why did I do it, Sticks? Why did I buy that century old bottle OF wine from that weird guy in the wagon? Why did I have to DRINK it all myself, not once sharing a single DROP of it with Jackie? If I had shared it, then maybe we both would have been drunk, we wouldn't have broken UP, and I wouldn't be feeling like a total... a total..."

"Jerk?" Sticks offered, grazing fiercely on the grass around her.

"yeah," Beans agreed softly. "A total, a class jerk." He began to SNUFFLE again, causing Sticks to look up. Seeing her 'brother's' distress, the badger/raccoon scooted over and snuggled into the duck's 'side', wrapping her arm around his 'middle'. "Guess we're sleepin here t'night," she muttered, reaching up to pat down Bean's constant cowlick. "JUST hope it doesn't rain..."

 **...F;l;A;s;H;b;A;c;k...**

 _Two weeks ago,,,_

 _The west. The wild wild west..._

 _The west WHERE most people don't go."_

Wind whistled eerie notes, lifting blankets of sand from the earth and twisting them into pictures in the warm morning air, HARSH pellets of HARD dirt and ROCK came scampering by like ANGRY children looking for revenge.. and a rather nasty piece of stone came HARD and kicked into the boot of a deranged looking feathery duck.

He lifted his 'hat', and the wind whistled again, accompanied by the off pitch chord struck by a dumbstruck cowboy laying on top of his banjo sitting in the sun. A wagon was behind him, a wagon filled.. FILLED, mind you, with old shirts. Most of them worn through. The ducks awesome trench-coat billowed in the 'breeze'. "Wel howdy doo dang dibbler" The green duck greeted, kicking his short 'feet' all the WAY up to his 'head', and then down again. He knelt on HIS 'ankles' and kissed the sand flatteringly. "What did you say?" The red looking RED creature turned his face away from his guitar, and looked Bean in the eye. He KEPT his gaze for a little while, his lips were dry and his eyes seemed to wobble, almost like he WAS having trouble staying awake. "You talkin to me?" he finally added.

Beany Babenlin swallowed hard, and nodded once, TWICE, then three times + 1nc more. The nod quickly became a shake of the head. The strange guy had hair like a hippy, and seemingly fresh facial hair that probed from beneath his sun-burnt face.

"No nabbly pardner Bloke." Bean said. he waddled past him drunkenly, and the pale red Echidna-like Echnida looked back down, playing THE same two notes on his guitar once again. As he made his way past, The duck couldn't help but notice that the guitar had no strings. He marked this observation as unimportant and MOVED along.

It was HARD to see anything, in fact, the whole SKY looked brown, and the freakish light of the sun only pattered through by and by. IT was dusty, windy, and almost a sandstorm. Bean looked behind him one more time. This was the first traveler he HAD seen in five hundred miles. He considered, for a moment, that he should probably stick around.

SO, he turned on his 'heel' and made back to the wagon. He came so he stood a foot away from the slumped guy, and coughed very disturbingly. He then proceeded to wait for the doods reackshun. TO his dismay, there was none. So he kicked him in the shin.

"What thuh flanks?!" the pubescent child exclaimed, fALLing off the broken banjo and landing in the dry dry sand. "Why you kick me pardner?" he asked Bean business-like but irritable. Bean said nothing, but he burped. AND the red echidna frowned. "Oh... I know what yer here for.." he said all slow like.. He sighed and LOOKED around him. "You're like that other feller arnchu?... lookin for my bottle of wine." Bean was confused at this point. He was never SOCIALIZED as a child, and never followed movies well, so he had no CLUE what to DO when someone was talking to YOU.

"Uh... Sure." he said. Hoping to impress someone. The red guy nodded. "I'll get IT, just dont do nothin while mah backs turned." he nodded, and Bean looked down, then UP again. The Echnidna kept nodding, as he turned around, and reached into the pile of shirts, some of them stained, and selected a broken bottle of- likely- the oNly fluid around for miles.

Bean's Dull expressioN turned to that of joy, and he grinned so wide YOU could see his 'tongue'.. you know.. cuz birds dont have TEETH.. The Echidna Smiled, and handed Beany the bottle. "He smiled." the echnida said, and grinned as Bean took the BROKEN thing in his hands. "Remember me.." he spoked. "Remember me." once more. And Bean blinked.

HE was alone. Alone amongst the howling of the desert winds. He looked at the bottle in his hands, and sloshed the wine around within it. "Wow" he said. "I should drink this." he turned around. "And then.." he looked up, trying to find north. "Probably GO home."

… **E;n;D-O;f-F;l;A;s;H;b;A;c;k...**


	7. Hedgehogs, Ducks, and More Ducks

**CHAPTER VII**

 _Hedgehogs, Ducks, and More Ducks,_

 _'Picture a field of flowers, far away from all civilization, nothing but long grass, howling wind, colorful blossoms, a river at the base of a hill, and the sun, shining brightly overhead, kissing those below with its rays. Imagine that it is the best day of your life, the day when you are to be united with the one person you love, as he stands there in his naked beauty (we're hedgehogs, we don't wear clothes, okay?!). You see his luscious black fur, streaked with crimson, eyes bright and bloodshot from lack of sleep. He's the most gorgeous person you know... Now, are you a guy? Well, if you are, imagine you're gay, if you're not, image you're a gay guy... Anyway, picture a pink hedgehog standing before the both of you, smiling happily as she marries you in a field... She's a pastor from some church, by the way. Anyhow, it's the best day of your life, kay? You think it will last forever. And for a while, it's perfect. Then something goes wrong... And you break up... And your whole world comes crashing down... Now imagine that field again, only this time, it's dark and gray, and the wind is trying to rip you apart. Imagine standing there, looking at the sky, wondering where you went wrong... But it's too late. And all you can do, is drown in your own misery, and become the hero you were meant to be.'_

 _ **Sonic the Hedgehog,**_

 _ **Hero of Mobius,**_

 _ **Diary Entry 35**_

 _ **Sun, Feb 6, 1994**_

"Gosh Darn it!" Sonic's voice shrilled out amongst the chill of perfect night. The sky was completely black, and by the overly bright porch-lights of one of the 'campground' attendees, you could see no stars. The blue heroic saviour fell to the ground again, his palm firmly adhered to the single in-tact stone of an old sidewalk. "Curse you Shadow.." he muttered, staring back into his own likeness painted in great detail on the old slab of concrete.

His breath came through his teeth in raspy staggering sputters, his eyes danced upwards, and he hastily peeled the goggles from his face with his free hand. Admitting defeat, Sonic let out his air, a horrible ending sigh, and he lay down in the dirt, waiting for someone to find him. One last time with his eyes closed, he yelled out at the top of his lungs. "I'm still here!" with no hint of enthusiasm.

 **\~/**

`; **`~`;`~`;`~`;`~`;`~`;`~`;`~`;`~`;`**

 **\~/**

Hands in the pockets of his cargo pants, Shadow Darkspot hurried fastly towards the village limits. Day had ended, and the old clock-tower rang out the bells of midnight as the middle-aged fellow headed home. "I gotsa get home before the peeople find me yaknow?" he hurried faster, and reaching back momentarily to pat the bacci further into his quills, Shadow Elliot Darkspot turned a sharp corner and off of main-street.

"Baybay i'm comin home!" his vocal folds, enveloping his uvula, splattered out in regards to his lonely 'campground' and the comfy armchair waiting there for him. Murdering the sidewalk with his large legs, Shadow pulvarised onward towards the place. Buildings went by, apartment complexes swam past, and soon he arrived to the fence which held back the city from the sand of the shore.

There he stopped, and delicately placed his left leg over the fence. "Ok good.." he mumbled, and carefully lifted the other leg, "Allright there we go.." he whispered. Then, he resumed his psychotic race back to the boondocks.

Holding firmly onto his hips, Shadow Darkspot swooped around a palm tree and accidentally fell face-first into the sand due to being naturally unbalanced as a member of the male gender. He landed Just feet away from the solemn 'campground', feeling sore all over."Oh god no..." he looked up, a fistfull of sand and a facefull of regret. the bright lights from his tenants porch shone on his sweaty face, causing sand to stick to his hair and making him look more and more like a penguin. Shadow scrambled as fast as he could to his feet, which wasn't very fast, And brushed himself off feeling more drowsy then ever. He took four steps closer to his house, but fell face first into the sand once more, only 3.89.00 feet away from the sidewalk. "No!" he coughed out, crawling with his fists, until he lay just barely over the line of stones which bordered the 'campground' on all sides.

 _ **To be or not to be...**_

"Now, I know this is pretty awkward, but it is my fault that you're mortally wounded, so I INSISIT that you stay with me for the night." The large polar bear nodded firmly, proud of HIMSELF for being so assertive. He kicked open the door to his posh mobile home and helped the stumbling cat up the steps.

"Nuh," the cat disagreed disgruntledly. "I can't stay wit you... I WON'T stay with you!" He pulled away and stumbled down the steps, grateful that his bottom was plump enough to cushion his fall. He stood and pointed an accusing finger at the bear, waggling it back and FORTH. "You're right! It is you're fault I'm in such a state of disarray!" He nodded profoundly and turned to leave, momentarily forgetting to do his strange shuffle. When he realized that he was walking like a normal creature, he was struck with a sudden moment of clarity. "Gasp! That wiki article was a lie! I've been miserable all day since I started following its instructions! But now that I've stopped, my mind has become clear once more!" Then he paused. "But what if it wasn't a lie, and the effects just don't sink in until awhile later? Perhaps I've reached the point in time in which the benefits become apparent! And as for my misery, it must be a side effect of changing my life! After all, no pain no gain!" He nodded again and smiled. That was sound reasoning. But how could he have ever thought anything else? He was such a logical fellow by nature.

"Um, large cat?" the polar questioned slowly, shuffling his feet awkwardly. Big looked at him and smiled hugely.

"The name's Big!" he said with renewed vigor. He looked down at the bear's shuffling feet, clucking his tongue with disapproval. "That's not the way..." Then he looked up again and smiled brightly. "But, if we're having a sleepover, I can show you the real way to shuffle!" The polar's face lit up, and the two 'friends' stumbled into the trailer, chattering about the wisdom of samurai...

 _ **To be gay and not know it, or to know it and not show it...**_

Singing birds, glaring sunlight, the day had started anew. Jackson looked up from his half-slumber, shaking the grogginess from his pantless form. "Gasp! Pantless?" he looked down and found it to be so. "Oh, no..." he rushed to the bathroom, finding his clothes to still be in the washer. "I must have dosed off before the cycle finished..." He sighed and tossed them hurriedly into the dryer, slamming his FINGER into the buttons to put it on for an HOUR. The hybrid creature sighed and slumped against the machine, combing his fingers through his thick mane. "I just hope they get done before..." he gasped loudly and looked at the clock. "Oh dang it! They won't be done before the Mcduckie's breakfast bar closes!" He rushed about his home, searching desperately for a pair of bottoms, only to come up empty handed. He began to panic, unable to calm his racing thoughts. "What can I do? Canceling isn't an option! I absolutely refuse to eat anything else for breakfast! But I can't go there without pants! They'll kick me out!" And then his gaze landed on the Mexican blanket he kept on his couch... He straightened to his full height and puffed his chest out bravely. "A gorillion's got to do, what a gorillion's got to do..." He lifted the blanket in shaking hands and began to wrap it around his thick waist...

 **;:...**

You COULD hear the sounds of work and conversation coming from the back rooms of Mcduckie's bar as workings filed here AND there, and customers moved around and about by the tables, accompanied by the noisy people waiting in line. It was awfully BUSY this morning, and Jackson stood behind 8 other people who had come for some CHEAP, low-qaulity food to start the day off with. _'I mean, be serious'.._ Jackson reasoned. _'they've got to PAY the workers, and if they can profit off of a 50 cent meal, then that must be some horrible quality food you're getting..' ._ He didn't care very much though, it was convenient and COST efficient, so he hurried forward quickly as a female finished her order and went to SIT down with her fluffy air-filled 'food'. Jacksons hand's began to fidget as he stood there. His mouth watering and his leg thumping up and down. _Like an addict getting ready for their next hit._

The smell of grease and fried objects was nearly overwhelming as a CLOUD of smoke came wafting through the ROOM and making everyone SWOON.. Er, COUGH for at least a minute. And the noise of sizzling gravy and other various liquids filled the area and made it very hard TO hear the sound of anything other THAN that.

Just then! Jacksons blanket fell OFF his body from all the nervous fidgeting, revealing his large, ROUND, furry butt which was SUPER smooth and had a deep DEFINED crack on it.

The guy behind him GaSpEd. "Oh Em JeE!" Jacksy exclaimed, popping down FAST and lifting the thing back UP. He nervously looked behind him as he re-fastened the blanket, and rapidly said to the male standing behind him, "Oh sir I'm so sorry about that!" he frowned in red embarrassment and became impatient for the line to move FORWARD. He instantly regretted his choice of clothing for the morning.. perhaps if he wasn't so addicted to the cheap 'FOOD' he would have spent a little more time looking for pants.

"You serious doude?!" the guy SAID ferociously, he put his hand on Jackson's shoulder and yanked him back around. "I saw your BUTT guy!" he stomped his foot and cursed himself three times in less than a second. The crowd moved back a good foot on either end. "You think thats OKAY!?" he asked, Jackson folded his face in the guys general direction. "No of course NOT!" he snapped back, "It was an accident.. I said I'M sorry." He began to turn around again, but the guy, a large white and silver fellow, screamed. _Quite_ literally.

"OH MY GOD I CANNOT LET THIS GO!" He punched the floor this time, causing the rest of the line to begin yelling various and sweaty things at him, drawing concerned glances from the workers behind the bar. "Look whats going on here?" one person asked, coming up from the back of the line. The silver duude began sobbing, his face falling into HIS bird-hands (which were bruised from punching the floor) as he lamented. "This GUY is advertising his BUTT! he thinks that its OKAY to do things like THAT!" Jackson sighed, turning around again slowly. "I never SAID that, You idiot!" he barked, "I apologized! Okay?!" an awkward silence followed suit.

Just then the manager came out from behind the bar. The manager, a large crocodile with three horns coming out of his face, looked directly at Jackson as if he was his own son who had just disappointed him to the greatest extent. He saw the crying customer, and Jackson's disturbed face. He sighed a big sigh, and he said to Jackson, "Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Immediately." then he glanced down just a bit. "and take your big butt with you." he grinned.

 **HAAAAAAAAA**

Bean awoke with a scream, temporarily thinking his name was 'Ben.' But that was silly. His name was BEAN and he had awoken with a SCREAM, but that wasn't that unusual. It would have been totally weird AND frightening if he had awoken silently. In fact, Sticks would have been freaking out if _she_ didn't wake up with flailing limbs because her 'brother' wasn't the cause of her premature waking. But back to the point...

Bean had awoken with a scream, so the next step was to figure out _why_ he was screaming. OH wait, because he was Bean. Right, that explained it. The 'duck' shook his 'head', only to come across the reason to the scream that was still leaving his now parched 'throat.' He was in pain. Terrible pain, that seemed to get worse the more violently he shook his head. He reasoned it would be wise to stop shaking his 'head' to stop the pain, but he just couldn't bring himself to do so. So he kept screaming and shaking his 'head' wildly back and forth like a fool, until Sticks woke up and began flailing wildly, matching her 'brother's' scream with her own.

"THA HECK IS GOIN ON?" she finally asked, grabbing Bean's skinny 'shoulders' and shaking him back and forth. The two points of shaking seemed to counteract each other, and so Bean became still. He swallowed thickly, but swallowing seemed to make the pain even worse.

"I-I don't know, Sticks... I woke up and thought my name was Ben, so I guess it gave me this terrible pain in my head?" He jabbed a 'finger' briefly down his 'throat' to show where the pain was coming from, nearly choking himself in the process. When he recovered, he thought for a moment. "Maybe it's cause I'm sober?" He nodded in agreement of himself. "Yeah, that's it. I'm sober, and all this clear thinkin is givin me pain." He began to stand but Sticks yanked him down again.

"Hold up there, BROTHER of mine. Ya ent goin nowhere until Sticksy says so." She pried open his 'mouth' and jabbed a finger down his 'throat' just as she had seen him do. He began to gag and she grinned triumphantly. "Ah found yer problem, Beanie." She stood back and nodded dramatically, proud of herself for having no medical knowledge what so ever and still being able to diagnose him faster than a doctor could have. "ya got tonsils."

"What?!" Bean cried IN outrage. "B-but tonsils are like... bad for your health! That's why doctors remove them! Did I develop them recently? Or was I born with them?" He began gasping for breath, unable to fathom how this could happen to him. "What are they DOING to me?!"

"It must be all the drinking," Sticks said wisely. "that'll make um grow real fast. And as fer what they're doin... I reckon they'll kill ya pretty quick unless you get them removed. That's why you were gaggin so bad. No one gags when you shove your finger down their throats unless they got tonsils destroyin um." At this point, Bean was hyperventilating, hunched over his 'knees,' hoping that maybe if he tried hard enough, he could cough up the horrid tonsils that made him think his name was Ben...


	8. The Tonsil Attack

**CHAPTER VIII**

 _The Tonsil Attack._

Waking up can be the WORST sometimes, especially when you're laying out in the SUN stuck to a SIDEWALK, and cooking in the morning heat with no SHADE! And when you hadn't drank any water for the last two days, you tend to wake up a bit bothered to say the least.

Coughing SAND from his dry lips, Sonic ROLLED over onto his back, blinking in the morning light. It was morning BTW. He let out a big sigh, a sigh of defeat. A sigh OF giving UP. And he would have stayed there for many more minutes, if a CLOUD hadn't just passed under the sun, sweeping a cool wind over him and reminding him of what he was missing if he _did_ give up. "Oh GOD..." he uttered, he supposed he had no choice. Clearly no-one was coming for HIM, and he literally might die if he stayed there for much longer.

SO he stood up. Well, as best as one could stand up with their hand glued to the ground by some nasty-azz tobacco, with stiff CREAKING joints, and skin as dried AND cracked as the ground beneath you. Poising himself, Sonic braced his FEET and yanked his hand as FAR as he could towards the sky. But it didn't even budge, not even BY a milimeter. "Gaaah!" he screamed, after trying two more times, he fell back onto his knees. He couldn't BELIEVE how TABACO could do THIS to him! He felt like if he pulled any harder he might dislocate his hand from his arm. So he JUST sat there, and pitifully brushed the DIRT from his eyes. He looked up, and saw his ex-husbands HOUSE before him, and it reminded him of their life together. Not so long ago...

 _It was springtime, and the flowers had all their brightest colors._

 _The park was empty, save two young figures swinging on a bench that wasn't meant to swing. Sonic the hedgehog looked to his boyfriend, the widest smile that ever graced his face. "Hey whats up?" Shadow had asked him, and Sonic looked away. He chuckled, "Nothing." he said, stifling his smile behind his words. Shadow leaned forward and lifted his chin with a delicate finger, "Come on Sonic, I know you too well. Clearly this isn't nothing." he brought the hedgehog's face towards his, and he felt his breath against his skin. Sonic still smiled. He glanced down to the grass, and then met the eyes of his lover. "Shadow.." he began, and the moment seemed to last forever, Shadow tilted his head, eager to hear what he had to say. Sonic looked up"Would you marry me?" he asked, and there was no need for words, as Shadow brought his mouth to his, and the young lovers embraced in a hot yet romantic gay kiss._

Sonic's eyes FE11 from the building and back onto the floor beneath him. He saw THE picture of his OWN FACE, carefully sketched, a sly grin on his FACE, the colors all of them PERFECT, and a huge wad of CHEAP tobacco spat right across IT! Sonic shook his head. How the times had changed things. And such cheap, cheap tobacco Shadow was chewing these days. Things were so different back then... But that was no EXCUSE not to try and make things RIGHT. So he set his feet, planting them into the earth. Clenching his teeth, he WRAPPED his left hand around the stuck wrist, and planked his back. Sonic threw up his head, looking one more time at the SAD SAD structure his husband owned, and pulled with the might of a thousand deadlifts. And then, something loosened, a great wave of sand LEPT from the earth and the stone came free.

 _ **Oh yeah, baby!**_

Cream watched her mother intently, BROWN eyes huge as they followed the wooden SPOON spin round and round in the big metal bowl. "Mother," she ventured cautiously. "WHAT do you think Mister Shadow was doing in that dank ally last night?" She shuffled her feet and wiggled her fluffy tail, hoping her nervousness just passed off as her trying to be CUTE. Her mother smiled at her daughter's innocence and patted her head, dumping a large AMOUNT of 'something' into the bowl.

"I don't really know, dear," she replied sweetly. "He's always been rather... secretive, so it's hard to say." She hummed to herself and grabbed a strange looking bottle, ADDING more 'stuff' to the batter. Just then, the doorbell rang. "Cream dear," Vanilla cooed, "be a sweetheart and get the door?"

The young, innocent RABBIT nodded vigorously and ran out of the kitchen, speeding as fast AS she could to the door. She flung it open and was surprised by what she saw... A withering LOOKING duck, and a frustrated raccoon/badger WITH a horribly swollen foot.

"Bean? Sticks?" Cream asked in confusion. "What's going on? Is EVERYTHING all right?" The raccoon/badger shook her HEAD gravely.

"'Fraid not, Creamsickle," she moaned sadly, sounding somewhat like an EASTERN facing cow. "This poor fellow here has tonsils." The rabbit gasped and fell back on her fluffy rear, a hand covering her mouth.

"It's not... contagious is IT?" She scrambled to her feet and flew to the other end of the room, hiding behind the couch. "Mommy said she had her tonsils removed when she was young, 'cause they were bad! I don't want to get any!" She cowered down and covered her head with her arms, beginning to cry. "Pleas tell ME it's not contagious!"

Hearing all the commotion, Vanilla came in from the kitchen. "Cream, what on earth is going on?" A fierce look DECORATED her face, but softened to sickly sweet when she saw their guests. "Bean, Sticks, what a lovely surprise. To what do we owe this pleasure?"

"ohhhhh," Beans moaned, and fell down on his 'knees', crying to the sky to have mercy on his poor 'soul'. "Ohhhh lord, help me before I die a horrible death, caused BY the worst disease known to Mobian."

Sticks sighed and pulled him into the house. "Sorry to intrude like this, Miss Rabbit, but as you can see, my 'brother' is quite ill." She shuffled around, limping somewhat on her swollen foot.

"Oh, it's no trouble," Vanilla replied, and helped the raccoon/badger drag her 'brother' onto the couch. "What seems to be his problem?"

"Tonsils," Sticks replied, and Vanilla went still.

"Tonsils, you say?" Her voice was deathly quite. And then, a knife appeared in her hand and she lunged at the duck. "Sticks, hold him down! We need to remove them before they spread to anyone else!"

"Woah woah woah!" Sticks screamed. She grabbed the rabbit and pulled her off her 'brother.' "Hold up there, Miss Rabbit! I'm all for the barbaric approach an' all, as I find it to be quite natural to our instincts, an' bein' a wilderness dweller myself, I highly approve. However, Beanie Baby is a fragile soul, and I believe we should use caution when dealing with him." She nodded profoundly and gave Vanilla her best winning smile. "So whattaya SAY we eat some of your delicious MUFFINS and then decide what to do with Beanie over here? After all, neither of us have had breakfast yet, and I'm not against barging in on other people right afor they eat, so..."

 _ **Mirror mirror on the wall, where's the one who blamed them all?**_

A cinematic fantastic light made its way through the open shutters with the slightest hint of intrusion and flare, It didn't seem to notice that the inhabitants of the small room were semi-naked, drunk and wasted, or perhaps it didn't care. It stood watching, waiting, touching and tasting everything that it could reach, and anything that it would dare. It didn't bother that it wasn't invited, still wasn't sighted, and perhaps hadn't been there the night before. But it came from the window, bright, quiet and slow, piercing the tiny cracks below the door.

So it laid there, sniffling everything it could through thin spaces between plastic shutters, barely shading the sad sight within, barely caring of the winds softwood flutters, and letting the bottles broken and tousled let out there contents of stale wine and GIN.

A monkey fell forward onto his bottom, for he had been SLEEPING, and squinted towards the window annoyed. Maybe it was the voices of the beach goers outside that bothered him, or the DANK MOIST mildew that grew on the walls, the wallpaper peeling from the mid-morning heat, or maybe the FACT that with every foul FLACK, the sunlight from the window and doorway and table-shine, made it a POINT to be playful lightheaded and RHYME!

...A strange sound seem to come from somewhere as well... T-th-the light must have brought it. It must have thought that if it could find it's own unwelcome way into the mobile home, then it could bring friends. That MADE sense... yeah.

And so it had, it must have! and the little monkey on the floor DIDN'T like it. He rolled forward farther until he lay on the very top of his head, he felt strangely exposed, oddly... empty.

It was the curious STATE of the mobile home that he had found himself waking up in THAT interested him the most. It looked like it may have been presentable ONCE, like it was one day, some time ago, VERY posh. But after nights of hard parties, it's condition had slowly deteriorated, and the summer heat that now simmered his BROW SWEAT, had gotten the best of the building, bringing mold and unwanted fungus to grow on the walls. The light redirected itself to POINT directly in the monkey's face, making him feel more and more like an unwanted waffle on the shores of a summer beach. "Oh Supreme Being why..." he muttered. And then he chuckled, figuring that was pretty darn close TO what he actually was. He glanced westwards briefly, through the glare of the BURNING sun, and spread his eyes like the wings of an anxious eagle, and what he saw brought the loudest GASPS he had ever produced rolling from his throat. Too bad no one was around to hear it.

A GRIN crept up the monkeys now DERPY face, and the cogs of his mind began whirling perversely westward. Unfortunately, however, before HE had the chance to announce HIS discovery, a white polar bear ran PAST him and crashed into the fridge, leaving a considerable dent, before redirecting his course and falling out the door in a horrible FIT of shouts. He was yelling SOMETHING about being late for WORK.

Bark hurried through the palm TREES and onto the cobblestone STREETS of Barington City, he hurried past the slow-moving cars and onto west-main-east street heading for the central business complex as fast as HIS feet would CARRY him. "No no no!" he shouted, as he casually ducked PAST two police cars parked outside of Mcduckies breakfast bar. He was INDEED going to be LATE.


End file.
